13 Dec 2012
11:52:00

Here's looking at you 2012!

Sjoe! I cannot believe that we are so close to the end of the world hahahhah just joking... I mean't the end of the year. 

Time sure has flown huh? I hope that you have all had a good one. 

I decided that for my last blog I would share a few of the lessons I have learnt over the last year as well as a quote that I read that made a huge impression on me. 

My 2012 lessons: 

- Being in your thirties is pretty cool. 

- Sometimes you need to break the social and sexual rules either society or you have placed on yourself

- If you want to see changes in your life you need to take a few chances

- If the chemistry isn't there - you shouldn't be either. Don't settle!

- You can be friends with your ex

- You don't have to forgive everyone for everything. F*ck that for an idea. Forgive the people who count and to hell with the rest. 

- It is what it is - acceptance is the best thing you can do for yourself. Accept situations, accept people for who they are and most importantly accept yourself.

- Giving really is a gift - give smiles, compliments, give your time

- There is a lot to be said for being single

- The only things you should be chasing are your dreams - not people. Let them go if they want to go. 

- "Unsubscribe" from anything or anyone that doesn't make you feel wonderful! 

- Sometimes Karma gets lost on her way to the people who deserve a dose of her medicine most.

- Switch your phone off when you are with your loved ones - Be present. The "world" really can wait!

- Keep your standards high but lower your expectations of people - you will have to deal with a lot less disappointment. 

The quote I loved most this year: 

“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that woman in the elevator. But what if that woman in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others.” - Timothy Leary

Thank you so very much for reading my blog.

Thank you for all your comments, advice and compliments -  I cannot tell you how much this meant to me and what is has done for my sometimes fleeting feelings of self worth and all that jazz. 

Wishing each and every one of you a lovely Christmas and only the very best for 2013. 

30 Nov 2012
09:00:00

We are crazy so call us maybe?

Are men and women really that different?

I don't think so. Not anymore. We are evolving. 

Men are becoming more in touch with their feminine side and women are becoming more hardcore. 

We all go on and on about how terrible men are - some of the things I have heard (and yes I have said some too!) over the years from friends and co-workers...

"He is a psycho freak"

"I have never met a man so jealous" - WE ARE ALL JEALOUS - SOME OF US JUST HIDE IT BETTER!

"He was such a stalker" - EVERYONE "STALKS" ON SOME LEVEL - ESPECIALLY ON FACEBOOK! 

"He is so moody, I swear he has male pms!" - YOU DON'T HAVE MOOD SWINGS? 

"He spends more time at the gym than at home!" - MAYBE HE LIKES TO EXERCISE? MAYBE YOU MOAN SO MUCH HE HATES BEING AT HOME?

"He drinks too much beer when the rugby is on!" - HOW MUCH WINE DID YOU DRINK AT YOUR FRIENDS HENS PARTY OR BOOKCLUB? 

We conveniently forget that women can be VERY faulty too and we LOVE living in double-standards land!  

We go tilt when he wants a night out with the boys BUT we expect him to let us go on ladies nights. Why? Please tell me what the difference is?

Do you and your friends sit like little angels at the club / bar sipping on one glass of wine all night, not talking to any men? I DON"T THINK SO!

The shooters flow, everyone starts channeling their inner stripper, we enjoy the guys at the bar looking at us. You know exactly what I am talking about hey?

WE ALL LIKE A BIT OF ATTENTION FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX! It does not mean we are going to run off and have a wild affair. It just means that we like to be validated. We like to know that we are still attractive and all that jazz. I will go as far as saying that I think a bit of flirting is healthy too. 

We expect men to not have bad days, to not be emotional, to tell us everything that is going on in their heads, to want to have sex with us all.the.time, to compliment us daily. When he doesn't live up to these expectations... what happens? We whine and moan. Why? Because for some reason we feel that only we as women are entitled to:

- Turn down sex

- Not want to talk to our partner

- Be emotional

- Regular compliments (when was the last time you paid your man a compliment?) 

- Have a bad day at work and be miserable

Maybe we all need to ease up on the male species a little? Unless of course he has done something really rotten. In which case - kick him in the balls... HARD!! 

THE FUNNY, FASCINATING, FICKLE and AT TIMES F*CKED UP FEMALE MIND.... 

On when it all feels like too much (because sometimes it really, really is!) 

On our ex...(the one who turned out to be married!) 

On the REAL reason for working out...

On wine...(or vodka!) 

On his ex...the one who won't leave him alone! (there is always one!) 

On call centres...

On lazy days...

On feeling good....(just after leaving the salon!) 

On being difficult...(because we are!) 

On the things we do to protect his ego...(such a fragile thing!) 

Lastly... ON BEING A WOMAN....(because as crazy as we all are... we rock!) 

12 Nov 2012
09:18:00

BEWARE: The territorial cougar

Oh my word - don't you just hate it when you unwilling become part of someone's soap opera? 

I do. Here is why... 

So... about two weeks ago one of my best friends (L) and I went out. Big razzle dazzle! 

Rather late into the evening we bumped into one of our other good friend's toy boy (he is 10 years her junior). Let's call him 'Cub'.... 

She has had quite a lot of drama with him as she has developed feelings and he is just wanting to play the game (the usual story).

You have to have a certain kind of heart/personality to enjoy a purely sexual relationship - it is not for soft-hearted people, which my friend is. 

Anyway... we had a few drinks with the cub and his friend (who L has previously kissed - he is in his 30s though) - we danced and partied up a storm.

It was about 4am when we decided to leave. Cub offered to give us a lift. In hindsight we should have declined, given his drunken state, we should have put him in a taxi and got into one ourselves but we didn't. When you are drunk you are faulty. Everything is a joke - you know how it goes. 

We didn't think. Irresponsible - totally. I know. Let me just say right now, normally we are very good about catching taxis when we go out - this was just one of those times when the evening had dragged on for longer than expected, we had consumed a lot more booze than normal and well... we had our drinking not our thinking caps on. 

A bit of a grey area / catch 22... 

When we reached my place we insisted that he stay over. Which he did. On my couch.

If we had let this guy drive home and he was involved in a car accident or arrested - we would never have forgiven ourselves. 

L set her alarm for 6am to wake him up as he had work that day. He refused to wake up when I tried to get him up!  Still half-tipsy, I went back to bed and passed out for the second time. 

The next thing I am being woken up again by the cub "owner" calling me - frantic with worry as nobody knew where the cub was. I told her that he was at my place on my couch.

I explained that he gave us a lift home and was too drunk to drive home. So I go through, wake him up to speak to her (I don't know what was said). 

The next thing he springs up - doesn't even know where he is - puts on his shoes and races out of my door. 

Anyway - we think nothing of the situation and go back to bed. 

I call my cougar friend later that morning - I picked up a distinct offish tone.

TERRITORIAL COUGAR VIBES FOR SURE!

Chatted to L about it and we agreed that she is obviously upset because her cub slept over BUT now here is the cracker..

I have not heard from her for a few days BUT her toy has informed me that she sent him an essay type message stating that she wants nothing to do with him, that he has changed aaaand... that he cost her a long-time friendship. 

Err - why has she not told me this? ODD! 

Bottom line.... 

He slept ON my COUCH not IN my "TOY BOX"

This is a young man who is not her ex-boyfriend/husband - he is not even a POTENTIAL boyfriend / husband - this is someone whom she occasionally has sex with. Someone who is busy dating someone else (his own age)... someone who (according to what he told us) doesn't want to be involved with her except on a friendly basis. 

All of us (her friends) have seen this young man's penis anyway because she has shown us. So surely if you really treasure someone and have such massive feelings for them you don't show their package off to the world? 

ABOVE all this, however, is the fact that I would not play in her playpen AND if I wanted or even needed sex it would be with a OLDER MAN that I found on my own. I am more than capable of this. 

I DO NOT DO SLOPPY SECONDS!  

What could / should I have done better? 

I could have just said hi to him when we saw him and not socialised with him. This however is not that simple as we have all partied together before - we are in a way friends with him too. 

I could have left the club at my usual time (before 2am) - but why? We were having a blast! 

I should have forced him into a taxi.

I should have caught a taxi too. 

I should have messaged the toy's owner and explained what was happening. 

BLAH DEE F#&*ING BLAH - could have, should have, would have BUT didn't! Nobody died and the only crime was the driving drunk episode. 

I always revert to my 2012 motto: IT IS WHAT IT IS! 

Sometimes while doing the right thing I guess you kind of do the wrong thing? 

02 Oct 2012
10:58:00

Single is the new black...

S - Super and sexy

I - Intelligent and interesting

N - No nonsense

G - Going places... goal orientated

L - Loving life

E - Expects the best

Why do so many women feel as though being single is like having a dreaded disease? They are so fixated on being in a relationship - on being called someone's girlfriend - that they end up settling for the most rotten characters. 

What the fudge is up with that? I refuse to settle...

I know my worth now (believe me, it took me years to get to this point!) and I just expect so much more. I would rather be single and happy than be in a relationship that is not everything I want, need and deserve.

I would rather not have children than have kids with someone who is not going to be an amazing partner to me and the best parent to our children. 

Society standards, Facebook friends posting about their amazing partners/weddings/pregnancies, my family nagging on me - flip - not even my age (32 next year) - will spur me into irrational actions (settling down with the first or even 5th person that comes along and popping out a child or two) just because "it's the right thing to do".

And even having said that - should we as women have to WAIT for a man to have a child? I don't think so. Obviously the whole 'two parents' vibe is the most ideal situation, but don't you think that it is so awesome that in this day and age if a woman hits a certain age and still hasn't met "the one" but wants to have a child - she can?! I FLIPPING LOVE THAT! Choices - such beautiful things! 

Remember I told you about "Mr Call me Maybe"? The man who walked up to me and gave me his number, etc.? 

Well, I met up with him for coffee eventually. He was better looking than I remembered which was cool and he was easy to talk to BUT...

1. He was late - lost points right there.
2. He lied to me about his age - on the phone he told me he was 40. During our coffee 'date' he told me about his mom and how old she was when she had him blah blah I did that maths and guess what? He was actually 44. 
3. He had small hands - for me this translates into a small willy. 

So in a nutshell - Good looking, easy conversation BUT can't keep time, liar and quite possibly not very well endowed. Do I want him? NO! 

I have been single for just over a year now and I could not be happier. I still need flirty interactions with the opposite sex BUT will I just hop into bed/another relationship just for the sake of it? NO! The way I see it now - if a man cannot better my life (on every level) then I do not need or want him. 

This sister can do it (all!) for herself, thank you very much! 

Fun - Go on - tell me you NEED a man in order to have stuff to do on the weekend. RUBBISH! Get off your pity patch already! If there is a movie you want to watch - go watch it. Either alone (yes, I have done this) or invite a friend. If you feel like going out for dinner - GO! There is absolutely nothing stopping you from doing all the "coupley" stuff on your own. Been dying to go to Mauritus for years? - save up and GO! 

Stop waiting around for a man...for a relationship. Just go and live your life - have fun!  Adventure awaits.....

Sex - Nothing beats good sex. I get that but until I find someone "worthy" of my time (whether it be for 30 minutes, five years or a lifetime) masturbation does a pretty good job. No mess, no fuss, no risk of pregnancy or STD - no admin. 

Money - I love money. LOVE IT! I work during the day for a company and I also have my own small business on the side. I am not rich at all but I am certainly taking care of myself - so tell me now - why on earth would I want a man who either a) sponges off me or b) can't spoil me more than I can spoil myself?

Please darling - no way. Bring me the man who has either "arrived" or is well on his way. Anything less than that? There is the door - right out of my life. 

White picket fences have definitely gone out of fashion. Single is the new black, ladies! 

30 Aug 2012
10:38:00

Sexy - Think therefore you are!

Sexy 

adj. sexier, sexiest; informal

1. provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest 

2. feeling sexual interest; aroused

3. interesting, exciting, or trendy 

Have you ever wondered what makes YOU attractive to the opposite sex?

Have you ever looked at a couple and thought "he is so hot - what the hell is he doing with her?" or even the other way around "what does she see in him, he is revolting?"

Sure - there is no doubt that good looks are attractive. 

We all like beautiful things. But, when it comes to 'sexy' - I think it is more of an attitude. A state of mind. Being confident. Being happy. Keeping things simple and tasteful. 

I have not always thought this way though. Especially in the clothing department. Sjoe! 

About seven or eight years ago I was totally ridiculous. My toes curl with embarrassment as my mind flicks through the images. Some of the outfits I would wear on a night out would probably make Cher blush. Rahahah. Sure, I got attention from guys, but being young, you don't realise it is for all the wrong reasons. 

Bottom line? I looked like a skank and they probably thought that they could press my nose and my legs would open (they didn't, but still - this is the image I projected) SIES! Hahahah! 

I soon learnt that when you are showing cleavage - hide the pins (legs). When you are wearing a mini - hide the guns (boobs)! 

Also, have you noticed how many polls there have been over the years where men are asked 'what is the sexiest thing a woman can wear?' and the most popular answers are.... 

• Jeans, white t-shirt and heels
• A smile 
• My shirt 

Anyway - back to sexy being a state of mind...

As I mentioned in my last blog - my hormones have been doing the happy dance lately. Every now and again when they don't like the 'song' playing - that old classic - "Red River by Pe Riod', they stop for a rest (my not so great days) but in general they are squeaking their stillettos on the 'dance floor' like there is no tomorrow! 

I feel like I am walking a little taller. Smiling a little brighter. I have sex on the brain quite a lot too and I feel sexy. Could these happy and horny thoughts be beaming out my eyes and making me more attractive? 

Last weekend while at breakfast with my best friend a guy came over to our table: 

Guy: "Hi are you married? I couldn't see if you are married?"

Me: *Laughing & blushing* 'No I am not married" 

Guy: "Good" and proceeds to hand me a till slip with his number and the words 'call me'

Me: *still laughing*

Guy: "Call me, I want to take you for dinner" 

Me: "Umm ok"

Guy: "No seriously - call me. I want to take you out"

I also had a 'scene' with a Dad (hopefully single and not a married flirty pants) who was with his little girl in the shop at the petrol station: 

SD (Single dad): "Excuse me" 

Me: "Yes?" 

SD: "Can I pay you a compliment?" 

Me: "Ok?" 

SD: "You have the cutest backside I have ever seen... in my life" 

Me: *laughing & mentally thanking the heavens for True Religion Jeans* "Thank you!!" 

Who needs to go out to clubs - you can meet people at the Wimpy and the petrol station! Not that anything further has happened with petrol station man but I have been in contact with Mr Call me Maybe.

On top of all that...

My ex (the one I was with for 10 years) is buzzing around me like a bee to honey and the foreigner I had a fling with in January is also still in 'You are the one for me mode' - am I loving it? HELL TO THE YES! Who wouldn't? 

Start thinking sexy ladies! Because you are! 

Here are some quotes from famous people about being sexy: 

“Do I consider myself sexy? It all depends on the way I'm feeling. When I'm happy inside, that's when I feel most sexy.” - Anna Kournikova

“Nobody thinks of themselves as sexy, really. Some days you go, 'Hey, I'm not going too bad today.' But if you try and be sexy, you'll never be sexy.” - Jennifer Aniston 

“I feel sexy when I get out of the tub - your skin is fresh and you've put up your hair without looking.” - Shania Twain 

"I have a cute little booty, and I know how to work it. I think every girl should work what she has." - Fergie

“Your clothes should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to show you're a lady” - Marilyn Monroe

“When somebody gives you a sexy look, you know they're trying. It's terrible! But when you smile, it's so much sexier!” - Joseph Addison

“If you're going to be sexy in a photo, you'd better be thinking about sex rather than about being sexy.” - Peta Wilson