Home | Blogs

Chasing Carats in Heels
...a blog by Jina Baxter-Rowe

1 2 3 4 5

total: 24 | displaying: 1 - 5

11 May 2012
00:48:00

Busted. Disgusted. Never to be trusted...

Blog: Chasing Carats in Heels | Author: Jina Baxter-Rowe

Face it. People cheat...

Before I write my bleat for today, please be warned that it WILL upset some of you. If you are a die hard romantic you should probably stop reading now. Just keep those rose tinted goggles on and carry on with your day.

If you are open-minded and can read something like this without getting all uppity, please read on.

Let me start by asking you this - have you ever been cheated on? How many women do you know who have been cheated on?

I am one of the women who has been cheated on. Every single woman I know has been cheated on. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, black or white... cheating is a nasty beast that breaks thousands of hearts daily. Nobody is safe!

Women cheat too - I know this. A lot of the time though I find that the reason women cheat on their partner's because they are not getting what they need on an emotional or spiritual level from their man. Men don't need a reason - they just need a place.

I happen to be of the opinion that you are rather silly if you think that your partner has never cheated on you OR that he never will...

Trust me darling - he will! It might be sooner it might only be later but you can rest assured he has already thought about it a couple of times. Sometimes it is the man who seems like he would never do anything wrong who is the biggest culprit. I know of plenty of people who think that their lives are just peachy, meanwhile back at the ranch their husband or wife is getting jiggy with it all over town.

Round about now your blood is probably boiling reading this. You are thinking "This woman is just jaded because of her bad experiences".... "My man is different".... "I can't believe she is being so negative".... "Not all men are the same".... "I make sure my man is taken care of so he will never look anywhere else" bllllaaaaaa blaaaaa blaaaaa, lady, catch a wake up!

Men are like kids...

When they want a new toy - they cannot stop thinking about it, talking about it, dreaming about it. When they eventually get their hands on the toy they are beyond happy. The toy will bath with them, eat with them, they can't sleep unless the toy is tucked in with them, it will go in the car, to the shops... the whole shebang. But here is the thing... guess what happens at the shops? There are new toys! More shiny, more fancy.. they can do better tricks, can be controlled more easily. Immediately the toy in hand seems less appealing. Sure, it is still fun to play with, looking at it can still bring a smile. You can buy gadgets that go with it and it will be more fun - for a moment or two but... oh man... the ones at the shop look so cool! And so the cycle goes.

Once a man has had you - that is it for them. Game over in a way. Some will "play" with you long enough for them to fall in love with you but LOVE is not enough to guarantee that they will not need to "play" with other women. You can buy sexy outfits, go to the gym - do whatever you like - it will NOT stop him from thinking or lusting after other women.

I am starting to wonder if it is "normal" to be with the same person for your whole life. It is like eating the exact same meal every day for 30+ years. Flipping scary. I mean I love macaroni and cheese like there is no tomorrow, but could I eat it every.single day for the rest of my life? Hell no!!

I think that IF (huge emphasis on if) I ever get married my vows will read something like this...

"I take you, my imperfect partner to be my husband. To have and to hold until either of us gets bored and wants to have and hold someone else. To love and to cherish you with all I have for as long as I can... except when you are doing that really annoyoing thing with your ear or when you come home drunk at 5 a.m. I will give you medicine when you are sick or drive you to the doctor - if you whine too much, I will be at my mother's until you are better. I will honour you as often as possible. If you are really stuck on the obey part - let's get you a dog. Honey... let's make the most of this imperfect union as best as two imperfect beings can in an imperfect world. When the ride is over, let us look back with a smile and know that we made our time together worthwhile."

Call me jaded. Call me a bitch. Call me anything you want. I call it being realistic... smelling the coffee... waking up to and accepting what this world and life is all about.

The other day a friend told me she thought I was delusional... I nearly fell off my unicorn!

23 Apr 2012
08:04:00

State of the tart...

Blog: Chasing Carats in Heels | Author: Jina Baxter-Rowe

We are all some kind of wonderful. Some kind of evil...

I am 100% Gemini. Proudly so too. I fly the best star sign flag often. Geminis rule the world. No doubt.

The thing is, as a woman, I am already a complex creature. Add my stars into the mix and you have a sure recipe for Crazy Confusion Cake!

Most days I feel torn. It is like there are constant debate sessions going on in my head. It forces me into the fence sitter position quite often.

I read this quote the other day and it resonated with me like you can't believe:

“I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I'm a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.” Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes.

Do you feel the same? At least sometimes?

I mean not so long ago all I wanted was to get married and have children. NOW? I am not broody and gosh now I don't even know if I want a man in my life - permanently that is. I am sort of, kind of maybe, seeing someone (he is overseas) but it is definitely not in the 'exclusive' zone yet. We will see where things lead.

That is not to say that I am working on getting a degree in slut or anything. It is just that in a way I am enjoying the being admired from a distance situation I am in and I like being able to have flirty chats with other guys too. Wrong? I don't know. My ego doesn't think so. It is my ego that is the tart, not me - right?

Surely three men in the bag telling you that you are amazing is better than one or none?!

Men are such dogs anyway. I know that their sweet talking has one goal (to get invited to a party in my pants). Are they going to score that goal? No. Am I being a bit of a cock tease? Yes. Judging me right now? Get over yourself already.

Why are women so quick to judge each other so harshly? Is it because we are all insecure?

I feel that maybe all of us are bit of everything that is naughty and a bit of everything that is nice. I mean I know that I can be a sinner or a saint - just depends on the time of day, my mood and how many vodka red bulls I have had.

Face it. We can all be kind, caring, funny, generous. We can be the perfect hostess. The most endearing daughter-in-law. The good girl who is never late for work. The best wife. The greatest mom.

At the same time though - underneath all that sugar - there lurks a bit of a wild, sexy minx. A ruthless bitch. A gossip queen. A judgemental cow.

Here is just one example - how many times have you heard one of your friends going on about how disgusting she thinks strippers are BUT give that same friend a few glasses of wine and a shooter or two and she will be the first one to jump on stage at the club and start dancing like... yip you guessed it - a stripper.

Some women will...

Dress inappropriately. So what? Who died and made you the Fashion Police?

Smoke. Their lungs. Their life. Let them be.

Have tattoos. Does this make them bad or scummy? No. Isn't it what's on the inside that counts?

Have breast implants. Does this make them a skank? No!

Get drunk and act silly. Like you have never? Come on!

Have three kids by different men. Who cares? What matters is that those kids are loved and cared for. No?

Have slept with lots of men. Again - so what? Why is it that men who have slept around are considered 'studs' and women who do the same are considered 'sluts'?

The next time you feel 'the urge' I suggest you W.A.I.T -

That is right - ask yourself - Who. Am. I. To - judge, be nasty or talk behind her back?

WE ARE ALL PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!

29 Mar 2012
09:44:00

When somebody dies...

Blog: Chasing Carats in Heels | Author: Jina Baxter-Rowe

Probably my most emo bleat to date but anyway...

I was seven years old when my dad told me he was going to die. He gave me a hug and a kiss and off he went. He died the next day of a massive heart attack. I will never know why he chose to tell me but after many years I finally chose to see it as a positive thing... I had been able to give my dad, who I absolutely adored one last hug, one last kiss.

Can I say that it hasn't affected me? No. It has. I think about death more often than what is probably considered 'normal'. And I don't do goodbyes very well... I always worry if it will be the last time I see the person.

On Monday my first boyfriend (have only had two) died. He was only 41 and leaves behind two small children. I do not want to go into detail but his last hours were not pleasant and this is troubling all of us that knew him. He was so larger than life and to think he is gone just like that. Forever. It blows my mind.

I was with him for four years. I know that is not the longest time and I hadn't even spoken to him since 2010 but his death has rocked me to my core.

Three of the four years we spent together were wonderful. He was my first boyfriend, my first love and he treated me wonderfully. The last year of our relationship was not cool at all. He got involved with the wrong crowd, took drugs and even ended up having an affair with one of my friends.

Does this all matter now? No. It had not mattered for a long time as I had actually forgiven him and we had made peace. But isn't it funny how when someone dies your mind almost only allows you to remember the good times with them? You lie awake at night and your head is flooded with memories, you can even hear their laughter in your head.

Last night I was thinking that if I had got the news that it was my last boyfriend (the one who I broke up with last year) who had passed away - how would I have coped? I still love him. We were together for 10 years.

The truth? I would have probably collapsed. I would not have coped with it. Not at all. I think I would go totally crazy. And do you know what else? I know that in that moment I would have forgiven him for all the ways in which he had wronged me. So now? Why the hell can't I forgive him now - when it counts?

Why do we always wait until it is too late to forgive, to say I love you, to say I am sorry?

I found this poem and it is so beautiful that I just have to share it with you...

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye

05 Mar 2012
07:40:00

Dear All Men...

Blog: Chasing Carats in Heels | Author: Jina Baxter-Rowe

Dear All Men...

It is back to 'What women want' school for you! Let me start by saying that we love you. We know this world (read women) needs you. No other creature can take credit for driving us absolutely crazy in the worst and also the most wonderful ways. Yes. There is no doubt. You are a “special” breed.

There are just a few really important things you need to either be reminded of or educated on...

All women fake orgasms...

Not all of the time but sometimes and usually when we do it, it is to protect your ego. Whatever the reason just accept that the next time your woman is delivering her "aaaah yessss give it to me baaaaaby"....There is a 50/50 chance that she is feeling nothing down there. That's right. A big fat 0 (that's a zero by the way – Not THAT "BIG O you are amazing" type O)

There are just nights where you can be moving like Jagger and we are just not feeling it down there. Sometimes what you do works and sometimes it doesn’t. We love it when it does, but the reality is that our vaginas are more complicated than us and even harder to please.

So when our pleasure palace is on strike and we are just having sex with you to keep you happy and from getting it elsewhere – we get our fake freak on. This normally entails us mimicking the sounds and actions of a porn star. You of course get excited to the point of no return. You cum and thanks to us, you do so with your ego intact. Not ideal. Not what you wanted to hear, I know.

But let me put this into perspective for you..

Would you rather have an enthusiastic “aaaah yess yess thats it big boy” that is fake OR a “Sorry honey, your average-size penis just wasn’t hitting the spot tonight” that is the truth? I am guessing you are going to go with option A.

While on the subject of sex kindly be advised of the following: We do not like swallowing your love juice. Please stop forcing the issue. We do not want to feel like we are taking part in Fear Factor every time we give you a blow job.

Fanny farts are really embarrassing for us. Do not laugh like a school boy when it happens. Pretend you didn’t even hear it. We fake orgasms to protect your ego, the least you can do is feign temporary deafness. OK?

When you are going down on me please take your time. Do not be eating like it is your last meal.

Please neaten up your nether regions. If you want that area to get special attention best you be trimming or shaving. There is nothing worse than a ball hair stuck in your throat or in between your teeth. Gross. Sort that bush out!

Less yadda yadda more ching ching (and bling bling)

Any woman who tells you she doesn’t love money is a liar. Repeat after me: Women. Love. Money.

We want to earn it. We want to spend it. We want you to earn more and we want to know that some of that is being spent on us. Nice things like clothes, perfume and jewellery make us happy. Sharing is caring guys. And you know what “they” say – a happy wife means a happy life. We know that money can’t buy REAL happiness but let me tell you – we will settle for that shallow kind of happy that a new top or earrings bring every now and again. Spoil your woman!

The perfect woman...

Please accept that women want you to believe that we are cute, pretty little things that never sweat, have bad breath, burp, fart or poop. We want you to buy into the fantasy that we always smell nice, look good and we wake up with minty fresh breath and dewy skin.

If you feel us waking up before you and sneaking out of the bed – don’t wake up and grab us back into bed for a quickie. Trust me – no woman feels sexy first thing in the a.m! So in future if you want GREAT GOOD MORNING SEX - pretend to be fast asleep and let us go to the bathroom, brush our hair (only to mess it up again so it doesn’t look like we have brushed it – it’s called perfecting the bed-head look), let us brush our teeth and slap on some MAC tinted moisturiser (makes our skin look naturally wonderful) – we will climb back into bed ready for some morning glory! A confident woman is better in bed. Fact. And we feel confident when we look good.

The perfect woman does exist – you are with her right now. And she works flipping hard to keep up her little perfection act. And it is not about being fake or anything. We just want you to feel like you won the lottery every time you look at us. Play along and play your part! And while you are at it, show some appreciation will you?!

Cheating...

Do you remember the first time you saw your woman? Do you remember what it was that drove you to go up to her and make conversation? Perhaps it was her smile, her eyes, her body maybe it was just the way she was laughing and having a good time with her friends.

Do you remember how excited you were to see her –all.the.time? The sex was great. Everything was just fantastic and you made her your own. Your prized possession.

Why does it all change in your brain after a few years (for some of you months)? What is it that makes you forget all those wonderful things?

Would it be so hard for you to remind yourself of these things next time you feel the urge to stick your tongue down (or penis in) another woman?

Come on man, get your sh*t together. You have a woman. She loves you and once upon a time you were just as wild and hot for her as you are for the chick giving you the eye at the bar. Stop being so easily led astray. A little flutter of the eyelashes and a compliment from a stranger and all resistance and commitment flies out the nearest window? It's moments like these, you know...when your brain cells start travelling from your head to your penis that you really need to be strong. Get up and go home. Do whatever but DO NOT CHEAT! Is it not enough to know that another woman found you attractive? This surely means you've still got it going on. So go home and get it on with your woman!

The ex files...

We don’t like her. Ok? No matter what we say, no matter what you say – we do not like her. We cannot help wondering if the sex was somehow better with her. We are jealous that you went overseas with her and have not been with us yet. We hate that she has blue eyes and we have brown or that she has a rocking body and we do not. Please do not stay in contact with your ex. Unless of course you share a child or two. Then it is a different ball game. Other than that there are no exceptions...

All women are insecure. Even the most beautiful ones. Keep reassurance at a constant “all time high”!

She is your past and we are your present – hopefully your future too.

22 Feb 2012
09:11:00

Sick in the head & mad in the stomach...

Blog: Chasing Carats in Heels | Author: JinaBR

Jina on being one "sick and confused poppie".

My bleat today is incredibly self absorbed, kind of negative and full of profanities - I suggest any sensitive readers either deal with it or press on to another article...

So. I have yet to get to a shrink. I don't think I am going to either, even though this was one of my new year resolutions - get myself mentally repaired.

The thing is the cost of these professional f*cking head readers alone is enough to drive you insane!! R600 per session? Once a week? R2 400 a month? No way. I would rather be 'round the bend' and have cash than be 'on the mend' and flat broke. No money = confirmed depression in my books.

I am not actually depressed (at least I don't think so)...

What I do know is that I can feel the nagging little monsters who have visited my thoughts over the years, starting to take up residence in my head - and they are not so little anymore. They are growing. Huge, hairy beasts that stink up my brain and I find myself more often than not high on their fumes, lost in the rolling hills of inadequacy, anger and just general confusion.

The worst one of the lot? The Inadequacy monster. I will focus on this one today because I know that many of you reading this will be able to relate.

How does 'IM' (Inadequacy Monster) make one feel? It makes you feel "less than"...

I'M not as pretty as his ex (bitch!)
I'M not good enough
I'M not the best girlfriend / wife / mother / daughter
I'M not worthy of his love
I'M too stupid to get a better job
I'M not confident enough

You get the picture...

I mean how many of you actually accept a compliment AND believe it? I know that I don't. Why is it so hard for us to believe in what others see in us?

From what I have read, it is a gross lack of self worth. You have to value yourself, you have to love yourself, start a journal and write down all the compliments you receive, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are smart.... Yeah oooook - Blah dee f*cking blah.

Self worth seems to be that elusive middle ground that not many of us can find. If you have, I am genuinely happy and somewhat envious of you (can you send me the directions please - unless they include talking to myself in a mirror. In that case please keep them until you find an alternate route).

For the most part - I think most of us are either wracked with self doubt or are raging f*cking narcissists.

I don't know about you but I sure as hell did not sign up for all this bullsh*t mental admin!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
For those of you who follow my blog and know of my sexual drought... I have good news....I GOT ME SOME "RAIN" - and it was wonderful!