10 Oct 2012
10:35:00

And so it begins

Sweaty palms, cold sweats, constant headaches, heart pulpatitions... These are all the things that are currently happening to me at the moment and more. Nervous, you say? Well ja.. I am getting married in 30 days. No more months, but days. The hours and minutes are drawing closer and soon I am going to be a MRS.

The panic and worry is an understatement. Even though I know that everything is sorted out, I still have a little voice in my head shouting and saying, "Double check, triple check, cross those Ts, dot those Is". I assure you, I have. Even so, I have other people who are checking behind me in case I miss something.

My fiance, on the other hand, is pretty laid back, not stressed out at all. Which stresses me out because I am thinking, shouldn't he be nervous right about now? Is being over confident normal? Or am I just being a drama queen? Don't get me wrong, I am FREAKING excited but kak nervous too. Not so much about the ceremony itself but like everything else. What if the flowers are the wrong colour or my decor person doesn't get the colour scheme right, or the cake is a bust? These are things that are worrying me. Or worse, the car that we hired has a flat tyre and I am late for the ceremony??

If any of you have some calming mechanisms I am all ears because with 30 days left, my brain is overworked, my face is breaking out into all sorts of lumps and bumps and a girl needs a break.

One good thing that will come out of all of this, will be my union with my husband and all the stress will be gone and forgotten. Oh so I hope. Evidently this cloud does have a silver lining.

So, I will count up to ten, remember to breathe and embrace the good with the bad. Chalk it up to experience and a notch on my belt. The time has come when all is said and done. There is only so much you can do. What will be, will be.

20 Sep 2012
10:44:00

Before we say "I do"

With less than two months to go before the day of my dreams, I find myself starting to prepare for the name change and the lifestyle. The way I was taught, the woman must now evolve into the "wife" role. For example, get used to the cooking after work, tidying up before you leave for work in the morning and making sure your new house becomes a home.

Not only do you have to prepare yourself for the new home and everyday life, you now have to make sure you carry yourself differently. Not change yourself completely because, I mean, your future spouse should know what you are like and should love you for you. But carry yourself differently in the sense that you are now someone's wife. Someone's life partner. I have to admit the word "wife" does have a certain ring to it and I can honestly say I cannot wait.

Now that I am going to be someone's wife, I feel more at ease with the sexual aspect. I mean, when you are dating, some frown apon the whole sex before marriage stint. Especially some of our church folk. I come from a Catholic home and background so the whole sex before marriage thing is a big deal. However, with the times changing, some have adapted and accepted the sexual exploration of consenting adults. Nevertheless, once we are married we are free to roll in the hay (so to speak) and enjoy every pleasurable moment without being frowned upon.

You see, a Catholic couple such as ourselves has to either go for a marriage preparations course or go on a weekend retreat. Basically this prepares them for the future of their married life. They are not allowed to stay in the same room together during the retreat or stay together for the duration of the months leading up to the wedding. It helps them grow spiritually as a couple and opens up the doorway to communication. It is quite an experience because you cover aspects of your relationship that you wouldn't normally cover until the obsticles arise. It allows you to both voice your opinions and put everything on the table. It is very nerve wracking because you don't always know what to expect. I mean the last thing you would want to happen is the priest tell you that you are not ready for marriage. Hence, you go on the course or retreat. I am happy to report, we are doing well and the wedding will take place. BIG SMILES.

The "preparation" that I am talking about, consists of making myself look all fancy and getting ready to enjoy my husband to be. I know you are probably thinking, what difference does it make if I have "done the deed" already, how does being married differ? WELL... For me personally, once we have that piece of paper and have consummated our marriage we will literally being "doing it" for the first time as a married couple. I cannot wait. So excited in fact, that I went to have a Brazilian wax for the first time. Initially, I must admit that I was scared shitless. However my fabulous beautician assured me that there is nothing to worry about. "Nothing to worry about?" Being spread like a spatchcock chicken is not my idea of an "enjoyable experience". Nor is it a very flattering position with someone who you would never imagine seeing you in that position, let alone touching that "special" area.

After the treatment was done I felt rather naked. I am sure many of you have had the Brazilian wax treatment on a regular basis, for a first timer it is quite overwhelming. But, I did it and made it through unscathed. Once the body is taken care of it is now time for the "sexy underwear". Some would say I have an underwear fetish because I would much rather buy a provocative outfit than a pair of girly shoes. There is nothing better than a sexy little number to make a girl feel beautiful. So, I looked around and found the perfect little baby pink number with a ruched bustier and black suspenders. What's nice about this little number is it has clasps from the bust down which makes it very sexy.

I figured, if the women in the Mills & Boon can pimp up their sex lives, why not I? After all, I am going to be a MRS... I cannot wait!

07 Sep 2012
12:15:00

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil

The journey is quickly coming to an end but the problems continue...

It has been two months since my last entry and I can honestly say that I have a good reason... No, I am not making an excuse, I am clearly advising my fabulous readers that a girl is EXHAUSTED. Since my last entry I have to admit the excitement has built up but the emotions have sucked the living daylights out of me.

I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot make everyone happy and that the odd handful will always consider me the "Bridezilla". However, at the end of the day this is the one time in my entire life that I get to be selfish and expect things to go my way. This is of course with the intention of only getting married once!

Considering that it has been such a long time, let me get you up to speed with my issues leading up to my "oh so special day".

Problem 1: "The bridesmaid saga continues"

You see, I have been busy trying to pacify individuals, constantly apologising for things that unbeknownst to me are occurring. For some reason I have bridesmaids that consider me a mind reader and expect me to be on top of every single thought that runs through their minds. I am supposed to ensure that they are constantly happy and reminded that they are special in every way and make sure that they are constantly smiling. I mean, give me a f&*%cking break! Who is getting married???

There are only so many times a person can apologise. Yes, I admit I am flawed, but who the hell isn't? At the end of the day I acknowledge my mistakes and apologise. Yes, initially it may hurt but at the end of the day isn't that what friendship is about? HONESTY!!! What bothers me is when a person can't be honest and tell me the real underlying issues as to why they are behaving the way they do and expect me to figure it out... That's where the mind reading aspect comes into play. Nevertheless, after lots of tears, shouting, more tears and sheer lack of interest. I found myself minus another bridesmaid.

B*&tch you might say... I assure you, I tried everything from constant phone calls and compromises and still NOTHING, no interest. So... I did what I needed to do.

So.. where are we?? That's right, two months before my wedding and I am minus two bridesmaids.

Problem 2: "Guest list"

Why is it that when a person gets married, family members who you haven't heard from in years decide to come out of every nook and cranny and grace you with their presence all because they want a free meal and to catch up on the latest gossip. It's almost like you are expected to invite them just because they are part of the family tree. And I'm not talking about close family tree, I am talking about branches of the cousins, uncle's second wife type of family tree. I honestly don't feel like I am being harsh in any way because at the end of the day, if I haven't seen you for more than five years can you honestly say that we are close and that justifies being invited to our wedding??? It really makes you think.

Another problem with the guest list is that as much as you want to invite the people important to you, you find yourself having to cut your list down to a bare minimum because of the "cost factor". It really does put you in a sticky situation, however, if the people really loved and supported you shouldn't they understand that you can't always do what you want to do? You have to do what you "need to" do. The dilemma is, you have some happy people who have an invite and very unhappy people who don't. So what do you do? Apologise and say I wish you were there, or be downright honest and say I can only fit so many people and unfortunately I couldn't put your name down? Wouldn't they be hurt either way?

The thing is, you invite immediate family and friends that you see often and those who have impacted your life. You invite the people that would drop what they are doing at the drop of a hat and be there for you. Not the ones who claim their loyalty just because... Do I have some people that I wish I could have invited? Yes! Do I wish I could invite them? Yes, of course! Should I be made to feel guilty because they weren't? No, I don't think so, because if they really considered me important to them. They would understand and be happy for me none the less.

Problem 3: "The car accident"

School does not prepare you for life. Your parents can only teach you so much. So when you are thrown in the deep end and you feel like everything that could possibly go wrong does, a person gets the feeling that the universe has it in for them. If a wedding is not expensive enough, let me tell you, sorting out a smashed car is even worse. The reason being there are so many hidden costs and insurance companies and people that screw you over. The person who hit into us lives in Cape Town and is still up to today not taking responsibility for her actions. Thank God I am alive, I got off with severe whiplash, a dislocated knee and mild concussion. I was lucky. You see, I believe in my heart of hearts that it was a sign to slow things down. Appreciate what I have and make the most of a bad situation. I can honestly say, I am working on it and making the most of every minute.

With less than two months away until the most amazing day of my life, I have come to a foregone conclusion. People change, they grow and they move on. All we can do is accept it and embrace it.

As for honesty... stop putting your head in the sand just because you are afraid of confrontation. Deal with it, because at the end of the day, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Be thankful for the now and look forward to the future.

08 Jun 2012
09:53:00

Anxiety, stress, gotta fit in that dress...

The countdown has sped up and time is drawing closer...

It never dawned on me that getting married would stir up such a whirlpool of emotions and provoke questions, that I never knew even existed, deep in my subconcsious. Where I am going to land up? Who will still be in my life? The question of what my future holds is still unanswered, yet with excitement, anxiety and faith, I find myself moving forward and knowing that everything will be ok.

Let me get to the point so you can catch up

Unfortunately, I was never born with a silver spoon in my mouth so the 'money' issue is very real

There is only so much a family or parent can do to assist you in this fabulous milestone. Yeah, sure they will do the best they can with what they have but it is not nearly enough. The last thing I want to do is sound ungrateful but if ANYONE has a hidden daddy Warbucks, please provide me with his number. I love my family dearly, we are very close so seeing them go above and beyond really pulls at my heartstrings, knowing how much they are going through to get things done, makes me feel kind of guilty. I mean, they brought me into this world. That is the most priceless gift a person could ever ask for and expecting them to help pay for the wedding as well. I feel quite greedy. It doesn't matter how many times they tell me they are my parents and want to help, I still feel bad.

Apart from that, I find myself struggling with my own personal piggy bank

You see my partner works away for months at a time so his work only holds us over for a number of months - leaving me, the future wife having to learn how to budget and take care of the 'home' so to speak. It's fabulous because I've grown up a lot, but the problem is, money can only stretch so far. With the wedding, everything just adds up, from the caterer, to the flowers, to the cake, to the dress. Why not phone around and get cheaper quotes? you ask. Trust me, I have tried. The thing is, I don't want to settle just because we have a hurdle thrown in front of us. It is the one day that we have waited for our entire lives. So dammit, why not go all out? We deserve it. We have a decent amount saved, where we could we do the work ourselves? Everything is coming together okay, however, the main things that are killing us softly is the following; caterer, decor, cake and photographer.

These are important tools when getting married so one can't afford to cut too many costs. The problem with all of this is one tends to lose sight of the real reason this is taking place. Two people who love each other dearly are making the commitment to become husband and wife. Do all the other things really matter? I don't know, at least I don't think so. I really don't know what to do. If we cut on the guest list the family will disown us, if we cut on the photographer I'd look like Ugly Betty on a bad day without photoshop. I just don't know.

Another hurdle could be the religion thing

We are both Catholic and the problem we are facing is the fact that my husband-to-be lives with me, which is technically a sin because we are doing things that a married couple does without being married. So... as per the priest we have to live apart for a few months before we get married. How do you tell a man of the cloth that if he moves out you might as well live in a box without his income. As pathetic as it may sound, I rely on his income as many of us do with our partners because we are a team. I guess if I started off living on my own it would be fine, but that is not the case. We went into this living thing together. We made a commitment.

I suppose with all the stress I should have lost like a million kgs! Unfortunately I don't feel that way. As the time draws closer I have panic attacks, sleepless nights and keep asking myself what in the world am I getting myself into. I am scared out of my wits. I am marrying the man of my dreams but at the same time losing the plot. I can't even wash my hair without pulling out clumps of it. My hairdresser says it is due to stress. You think?! I am nearly nine months into the planning process and trust me, whoever said plannning a wedding was fun... LIED... Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. Don't get me wrong, it is fun - SOME of it!

So basically I am going to sum this up for you. I am overwhelmed with joy that I am going to be a Mrs, scared out of my wits that MONEY is just not something we were graced with unless we win the Lotto and that no matter how hard it's going to be or get, we have each other and our faith. And, like my mum always says, "It's going to be okay."

23 Apr 2012
10:34:00

Bits and bobs and in-law hiccups

The wedding preparation joys and some in-law drama...

The time is fast approaching when I will take my final step as a Miss and my first step as a Mrs.

Everything is slowly falling into place. I find myself dotting all my Is and crossing all my Ts. With the magical day only months away, one has quite a lot of time to put things into perspective.

I mean yes, I do find myself running around like a headless chicken sometimes, but at other times, I have a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and try and think clearly like any normal person would.

"Normal". Define normal: "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural". A lot of the times I wonder how normal I really am. I mean, I followed the standard growing up phases. Finish high school. Do some studying. Progress up the corporate ladder. Find a man, marry him and have 2,5 kids. This is the classic trend that most people are following nowadays.

We conform to the expectations of society in order to fit in and make our mark. Don't get me wrong, I am more of the "do my own thing" type but also ensure that I don't disappoint the parentals and try continually to make them proud. I would like to think that they have done a superb job. I am able to stand on my own two feet and contribute signifcantly to my future and husband to be.

Nevertheless it's the egos and the self confidence that tends to get in the way. You see, my fiance works out a lot and is away for two to three months at a time. I have the opportunity to focus on the wedding plans and ensure that everything will run smoothly on our magical day - also to ensure that I go crazy because I miss him so much. He however feels like he is a robot who needs to do as he is told and just show up.

I mean really... I am doing the best I can without him being present physically

I email, I send photos, I call when we are at the location. He is put on speaker. We do the best we can with the limited resources at our disposal. This unfortunately is not good enough. I love this man dearly but I mean really, I seriously want to take off my shoe and throw it at him. It feels like he doesn't understand the time and effort that is going into the planning, like everything will just magically occur without the "work" put into it. He is so happy-go-lucky at the moment. It worries me a little, I must admit.

Is it just him, or men in general?? I keep remembering my mother's words. "This too shall pass." So, I breathe A LOT, count up to ten and hope for the best.

Now for the future in-laws

My soon-to-be father-in-law is an absolute darling. So accepting and very loveable. The mother on the other hand has done a full 180. Maybe the transition from girlfriend to wife has scared the wits out of her because from a fabulous relationship, we are now on very shaky ground.

I always thought I would be the type of woman to get along with her mother-in-law. I'm beginning to wonder... "Should I be worried, is this how it is going to be from now on?" I'm lucky that my future husband is not a mummy's boy, however in his mum's eyes I must look like a vulture preying on her son. Maybe that is why she feels the need to be hostile and claim her territory. I wish there was a way for me to tell her straight up. You created and birthed him. I am just here to love the person you created. I am not the enemy. Here's to hoping and wishful thinking.

As the time draws closer I do realise that apart from the wedding day, there are going to be a lot more hurdles for me to overcome. I just hope that by some miracle and A  LOT of prayer, everything will work out fine.

As for my mother-in-law... Who knows, maybe she will warm to me before I become an official member of her family.