08 Jun 2012
The countdown has sped up and time is drawing closer...
It never dawned on me that getting married would stir up such a whirlpool of emotions and provoke questions, that I never knew even existed, deep in my subconcsious. Where I am going to land up? Who will still be in my life? The question of what my future holds is still unanswered, yet with excitement, anxiety and faith, I find myself moving forward and knowing that everything will be ok.
Let me get to the point so you can catch up
Unfortunately, I was never born with a silver spoon in my mouth so the 'money' issue is very real
There is only so much a family or parent can do to assist you in this fabulous milestone. Yeah, sure they will do the best they can with what they have but it is not nearly enough. The last thing I want to do is sound ungrateful but if ANYONE has a hidden daddy Warbucks, please provide me with his number. I love my family dearly, we are very close so seeing them go above and beyond really pulls at my heartstrings, knowing how much they are going through to get things done, makes me feel kind of guilty. I mean, they brought me into this world. That is the most priceless gift a person could ever ask for and expecting them to help pay for the wedding as well. I feel quite greedy. It doesn't matter how many times they tell me they are my parents and want to help, I still feel bad.
Apart from that, I find myself struggling with my own personal piggy bank
You see my partner works away for months at a time so his work only holds us over for a number of months - leaving me, the future wife having to learn how to budget and take care of the 'home' so to speak. It's fabulous because I've grown up a lot, but the problem is, money can only stretch so far. With the wedding, everything just adds up, from the caterer, to the flowers, to the cake, to the dress. Why not phone around and get cheaper quotes? you ask. Trust me, I have tried. The thing is, I don't want to settle just because we have a hurdle thrown in front of us. It is the one day that we have waited for our entire lives. So dammit, why not go all out? We deserve it. We have a decent amount saved, where we could we do the work ourselves? Everything is coming together okay, however, the main things that are killing us softly is the following; caterer, decor, cake and photographer.
These are important tools when getting married so one can't afford to cut too many costs. The problem with all of this is one tends to lose sight of the real reason this is taking place. Two people who love each other dearly are making the commitment to become husband and wife. Do all the other things really matter? I don't know, at least I don't think so. I really don't know what to do. If we cut on the guest list the family will disown us, if we cut on the photographer I'd look like Ugly Betty on a bad day without photoshop. I just don't know.
Another hurdle could be the religion thing
We are both Catholic and the problem we are facing is the fact that my husband-to-be lives with me, which is technically a sin because we are doing things that a married couple does without being married. So... as per the priest we have to live apart for a few months before we get married. How do you tell a man of the cloth that if he moves out you might as well live in a box without his income. As pathetic as it may sound, I rely on his income as many of us do with our partners because we are a team. I guess if I started off living on my own it would be fine, but that is not the case. We went into this living thing together. We made a commitment.
I suppose with all the stress I should have lost like a million kgs! Unfortunately I don't feel that way. As the time draws closer I have panic attacks, sleepless nights and keep asking myself what in the world am I getting myself into. I am scared out of my wits. I am marrying the man of my dreams but at the same time losing the plot. I can't even wash my hair without pulling out clumps of it. My hairdresser says it is due to stress. You think?! I am nearly nine months into the planning process and trust me, whoever said plannning a wedding was fun... LIED... Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. Don't get me wrong, it is fun - SOME of it!
So basically I am going to sum this up for you. I am overwhelmed with joy that I am going to be a Mrs, scared out of my wits that MONEY is just not something we were graced with unless we win the Lotto and that no matter how hard it's going to be or get, we have each other and our faith. And, like my mum always says, "It's going to be okay."