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08 May 2012
10:44:00

What is it about airports?

Blog: The Bigger Picture | Author: Claire Morris

Being an actress I am trained to observe people, and the airport is one of my favourite places to people watch.

In the last three weeks I have spent a reasonable amount of time in Johannesburg's O.R Thambo International Airport, not because I've been travelling a lot but because my husband has.

Every visit to the airport fills me with a myriad of emotions

It all starts in the departures terminal. The excitement of a new adventure. The nerves of a first-time flier. The emotion of a businessman on his way home to his family after a long time of being away.

The students who have saved up for their back-packing trip around Europe or Thailand; the high school exchange students off on the experience of a new culture; ordinary people on their way to visit family in different parts of the world - everyone has a story and if you watch closely you can see their story.

You can always tell the seasoned travellers from the the first timers

Those who have done this before are dressed comfortably, usually in gym pants or jeans and trainers; those who are overwhelmed by the excitement of first time international air travel are often those in the mini skirts and stilettos, dressed in their Sunday best.

But my favourite part is the international arrivals terminal

Since I usually arrive early enough to make sure I don't miss my husband coming out, I sometimes have had to endure a long wait while watching the board waiting for it to change from “expected” to “landed” next to his flight; this is when I experience the most joy in watching people. Richard Curtis really hit the nail on the head in the opening scene of his film Love Actually that takes place in the international arrivals hall of Heathrow airport.

Everyone is anxiously awaiting the return of their loved one and have arrived with the most wonderful ways of welcoming them home.

From a big banner that says “Welcome Home! We Missed You!” held up by two porters while the man waiting for his people to come through the glass doors holds a video camera to capture their faces as they see the banner; to a tiny little girl nearly taking me off my feet as she runs out of nowhere shouting “Daddy!” when she spots him coming through; to me, the wife who has been separated from her husband for three weeks who practically knocks an entire air crew off their feet while running to dive into his arms as he walks through the doors.

Airports are such happy places!

And have come to mean so much in a world where families are spread all over the globe. I remember a time when going to the airport was an outing because it happened so infrequently. Nowdays with air travel being so much more available and neccessary, the airport is as much a part of our lives as the supermarket.

There are so many stories being told at any one time - it's like a live broadcast of a reality satellite TV bouquet. All you have to do is stop and look around you. Observe and the stories will tell themselves. So next time you're hanging around an airport, for whatever reason, take a moment to share in all the life that is going on around you.

Happy travels!

08 May 2012
11:46:00

What I learnt from my mother

Blog: The Bigger Picture | Author: Claire Morris

They say that only the good die young. My mother was one of the most special people I have ever known, and probably will ever know.

She was the woman everyone loved; whether they had known her for a second or for years; my mom would touch everybody's heart.

She had an aura about her like no other; she was calming, intuitive and so giving of herself that she would forget about herself.

You see, my mom gave until she had nothing left to give

She lived every day for every one else and not a single day for herself.

The day after she died, I remember saying to myself: “If I could be half the woman that she was, I would have accomplished something good.” But in hindsight I have come to realise that perhaps the true accomplishment would be to become the woman who achieves the right balance – a balance between giving of herself and giving to herself.

From a very young age my mom taught me to do unto others as I would have them do unto me; that forgiveness is letting go; and that patience is a virtue.

One could say that these teachings are precisely what my mother was

She had the utmost patience for everyone, was forever loyal and always forgiving no matter how severe the crime. All admirable and rare qualities in a human being. But where does one draw the line? When do we say to those around us “I love you, but it's time for me now,” or “You know what, it's not okay and I won't let you treat me like that?"

As women, we are genetically engineered with an instinct for nurturing; an instinct for tending to those around us before tending to ourselves

And we give into this instinct all the time, no matter what the consequences and often to our own detriment. Some would call it compromise. But when does making sacrifices for the ones you love become sacrificing yourself? There is a fine line.

My mother crossed that line. She sacrificed herself...

...her own happiness and health in her noble and hard attempts to make sure that her family was okay, no matter how they treated her in return. She lived a very unhappy life, despite her ability to always make others happy.

When people ask me what killed her I can honestly say that an overdose of unhappiness laced with severe amounts of stress is what did it. My mom never got round to taking time to give to herself; time to relax and reflect; time to heal.

She gave it all away and had nothing left to give back

And it's through stepping back and looking at her life that I have figured out who the woman I want to be is: the woman who values herself as well as those around her.

The woman who acknowledges her luck and is grateful for who and what she has in her life; but at the same time does not forget that she has what she has because of the person she is.

The woman who takes time to reflect on herself and her achievements. The woman who will not apologise to anyone, even her family, for who she is.

The woman who will not change her views and values to accommodate others, but rather be open to adapting to the situation.

The woman who looks after herself so that she can look after others. The woman who does not judge, but may disagree. The woman my mother taught me to be.

When I think back to her funeral I remember how touched I was at the huge turnout; with only a few hours' notice there were probably close on 70 people there. Some who knew her, some who never met her; some who had been in my life for five minutes and some who had been in it for years; some I hadn't seen for years and some I saw the day before; even some I had never met before.

It's moments like these that make you realise you are not alone in the world; that it's not all for nothing; that life has meaning; that there is an abundance of joy to be experienced.

What I learnt from my mother (her life and her death) is that I am a truly blessed human being

I am surrounded by wonderful people; people who love me, who care for me; people who want the best for me; people who accept me for the woman I am. We all have these people in our lives; they are there, just look for them.

It's because they love us for who we are that it's important to take care of ourselves; they will miss us when we're gone. Realise that, by taking care of you, you are still taking care of them. When you're happy, they're happy.

So go for that massage, take that yoga class, join the gym – look after yourself! Because it's you that they love because you love yourself. Be the woman your mother taught you to be; the woman who is loved and respected because she loves and respects herself.

03 Feb 2012
07:42:00

New year's resolutions and the gym

Blog: The Bigger Picture | Author: Claire Morris

We all do it. Every year we resolve to get thinner, get fit and live healthier. And every year we all start off very well. Then what happens?

Being a die-hard gym goer (yes I am one of those annoying people who gets up between four and six mornings a week, come rain or shine to drag my carcass to the gym), every year I witness the ups and downs of gym attendance.

It all starts in January, the month that (I'm convinced) the gyms make their biggest income

In their determination to fulfill their New Year's resolution so many people will join a gym at the start of the year. From taking your pick in the parking lot and forgetting what it's like to queue for a treadmill, us patient die-hard regulars expect to search for parking, queue for equipment and pack ourselves into classes that are usually quite spacious, all in the knowledge that it is just temporary.

By the end of March most of the New Year's resolutioners have stopped coming and by the dead of winter the gym is back to normal

This always fascinates me.

I completely understand that it's not easy for everyone to adopt the healthy lifestyle they aspire to

Work, and everyday life are generally the biggest obstacles that stand in the way. And self-discipline is not easy for everyone either. It's much easier to hit snooze for an extra hour than get up earlier to get a work-out in before your day begins, and being a morning exerciser myself, I know that after a long day the last thing you feel like doing is hitting the gym when you'd rather go home and put your feet up.

However, since we all know that as human beings we are creatures of habit and that routine plays a very big part in our daily lives; why is it so difficult to keep up a routine of exercise and healthy living?

Perhaps the truth is that deep down inside we are actually happy with ourselves?

Now that would be a perfect world, wouldn't it? Perhaps it's because it's so much easier to dream of the healthy living, flat tummies and endless energy that such a lifestyle will bring than to actually put in the hours, or rather find the hours to achieve it?

I recently read an article in a local lifestyle magazine about women who lost dramatic amounts of weight and the impact it had on their lives

For some, it was a totally positive change and for others not so much, but when weighing out the pros and cons the general feeling amongst the four women featured was that it's just as hard, if not harder to keep the weight off as it is to lose it. Maybe this is the answer.

Those of us who are lucky enough to be of the personality type to whom hard work and self discipline comes easy, particularly when it comes to diet and exercise find the challenge of turning the “this year I'm gonna lose a few kilos, get fit and healthy” resolution into a new lifestyle choice rather than just another failed diet plan.

On the other side of the coin there are those of us who are of the personality type to whom this is much harder and for some reason cannot keep it up.

I blame one of my most hated traits of the human race; generalisation

Yes, a healthy diet and exercise are key to keeping fit, slim and healthy but what works for your secretary is not necessarily gonna work for you. Maybe the gym bunny hat just doesn't fit you. Perhaps you're more suited to out door exercise activities.

I believe that exercise and lifestyle is a spiritual experience in the sense that if it does not fulfill your mind as well as your body than it's not right for you.

Your sister might be a serious yogi but you may need a more intense cardio workout like boot camp to satisfy you and most importantly keep you interested. You have to be interested otherwise you won't want to keep it up. And most importantly it has to feed your soul!

So yes, the general consensus is if you wanna lose weight and start exercising you should join the gym, and with the vast spectrum of exercises offered by gyms these days you definitely don't have to limit yourself to running on the treadmill, or circuit training or aerobics classes; you might find something in the gym that keeps you interested and keeps you going. Not to mention the incentive given by most medical schemes nowadays.

But if you get to the beginning of March and are finding it more and more difficult to pack your gym bag, don't give up! You've got off to a good start! Perhaps you just need to look elsewhere for better exercise satisfaction.

Don't let this be just another year that starts off well and then literally goes pear-shaped come winter. Good luck!

15 Dec 2011
09:40:00

That's what friends are for

Blog: The Bigger Picture | Author: Claire Morris

Claire Morris reflects on the importance of friends in her life and how they have always made sure the light at the end of the tunnel was working...

I have always considered myself very blessed to have the friends I have. Some have been in my life for many years and others only a few; some are very close to me and form a part of my daily life and others form part of my extended circle; but each and every one of them plays a very special part in my life. For somebody who is happy with her own company, I am never lonely.

Good friends are important. Long-term friends even more so

When I think of the hard times my friends have pulled me through I can't imagine managing life without them.

Each decade of your life comes with its own challenges and it's the people you surround yourself with that very often make a difference to how you handle these challenges. My twenties have seen me finish two qualifications; lose three close family members in one year; get married; and since my chosen career exists in a world of “no”, it's been a trying decade.

Whenever I feel like my world is shattered and coming to an end - like running away to where no one will find me, or like crawling under the bed and hibernating until it all goes away - my friends are always there to show how to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it.

We laugh with (and at) each other, are always honest with each other, and most importantly accept each other completely.

Each one of us brings a completely different personality to the group, yet we all complement each other

Conversation is always easy, but so is quiet company. It's never work spending time together.

As we enter a new year I would like to encourage you to take a moment and think about those special people in your life that you consider friends; think about why they are your friends.

A true friend is the person you can call at 02h00 when you've had too much to drink and can't drive home; the person who will come round with a large tub of chocolate ice cream and help you finish it when the situation calls for it; she's (or he's) the person who never judges you but will always respect you enough to be honest even if it will potentially upset you.

She's the shoulder to cry on and the one who always makes sure the light at the end of the tunnel is working

“Understand that friends come and go, but with the precious few that you should hold on” - Baz Luhrmann. When the going gets tough it's those who stand by you no matter what who are your good friends; your true friends.

Here's to another year filled with love and wonderful friends!

10 Nov 2011
11:44:00

Be true to yourself

Blog: The Bigger Picture | Author: Claire Morris

My name is Claire and I am a non-conformist. There I said it! I'm different! I'm not your average girl and I don't care what you think about it!

Someone told me once that I was an acquired taste and that people don't know how to take me at first meeting; now I could've chosen to take this personally but since I'm not precious about my feelings with regards to someone else's opinion I took it as a compliment. The last thing I want to be is ordinary!

For as long as I can remember I have been different from other girls

When my school friends and I set goals for ourselves towards the end of Matric as to what we would like to have done and achieved by our ten-year reunion; getting married was not on my list and having kids was not even open for discussion; two things society dictates a good girl should do.

It was not until I finally decided to marry my boyfriend of nine years that I realised that people are okay with you being a non-conformist until it clashes with their personal views and wants. Never in my life had I been met with such blatant refusal to accept the person I was and what I wanted.

You see, I'm not that girl

The girl who has dreamed of her wedding day since she was six years old; the girl who has planned out in her head the colour her bridesmaids will wear, what the table decorations will look like, what her wedding gown will look like. I'm not the girl who dreamt of walking down the isle preceded by flower girls throwing petals and bridesmaids carrying bouquets.

I'm not the girl who dreamed of a huge elaborate wedding at a fancy venue with everyone I've ever met (and some I haven't) on the guest list and me playing the blushing bride.

In fact to be brutally honest; the idea of a wedding like this makes me want to curl up under my bed in the foetal position and suck my thumb! And that is how I really feel!

I hate weddings! They destroy relationships; part families and cause offence to be taken where no one had the right to take it

In my life time I have witnessed so many really good relationships and friendships be destroyed by weddings. Tradition dictates that you are not entering into a marriage unless you have the so-called “traditional white wedding” and when you announce that this is not the way you're going to be doing it those people around you who cannot see it happening any other way refuse to accept it.

It's okay for you to be different until you step on someone else's dream

By the way; your wedding is not your dream day; it's everyone else's dream day and the moment you veer off course of what they want, that's when the relationships start taking strain. Everyone wants to bring their own issues to the party to ensure that they get the day they would want. Everyone wants to take their opportunity to glorify themselves through your day.

What it boils down to is selfishness. When we announced our engagement no one was actually excited about the fact that we had finally, after nearly a decade, decided to make our commitment legal and be married. Nope, everyone got excited about the wedding they had planned in their heads. From word go the pressure started about finding a venue and choosing a dress and designing invitations and, and, and...

My dream day was a very simple version, much the same as the wedding my parents had

A civil marriage in court/Home Affairs office followed by a decent lunch - our High Tea with our immediate families and closest friends. There was to be no guest list; no fancy venue; no aisle; no bridesmaids; no flower girls; no gifts and certainly no wedding gown. The fact that I didn't want the traditional wedding that everyone else wanted and was expecting was completely unacceptable.

Since I felt that the only person I needed to make any compromises with was my husband-to-be I agreed to have a little more of ceremony than the grandeur that Home Affairs offers.

Before I knew it I had given an inch and the whole nine yards had been taken

My quiet, simple and intimate wedding was now a fancy wedding at the Westcliff with flowers (including a flower girl); an aisle; a dress; table settings; button holes ...all the crap that makes my skin crawl.

“They're just suggestions” my fiance would say, and so I did nothing. I will be honest, being an open-minded person I took some of these so-called suggestions (that personally felt like instructions) into consideration; until eventually things got really ridiculous. Ugly things were said that would never have been said under any other circumstances. All my decisions were being shot down in flames and met with so much negativity that the joy was sucked right out of it for me.

I was dealing with everyone else's Cinderella syndrome

I had been backed into a very tight and difficult corner as my fiance's parents were paying for the wedding. My family had been completely excluded and I have yet to be asked what my father thinks or how he feels. I called it off. I was ready to pack my bags and run.

I realised that I was letting myself down

I had allowed everyone to bulldoze over me and completely take charge of what was supposed to be my day - all in the name of compromise. This wasn't gonna wash! I will be eternally grateful to the Universe for giving me the strength to pull out before it was too late. I cancelled the booking at the Westcliff and organised for our marriage officer to come and marry us in my father's garden, the very garden I used to make mud pies in while other girls were playing with Barbies.

My close friends offered to help me: cater finger foods for our 25 guests and my father was now involved by providing the most important part of a wedding; the venue. Everything started falling into place and I was able to make my own decisions.

As I am sure you can imagine, this didn't go down very well; we were told that “it's a wedding not a birthday party” and the like. But the most comforting part was that even though my fiance and I had been through nine months of hell during which all the pressure surrounding the wedding had driven a wedge between us so huge that there were days we didn't even speak to each other; he stuck by me.

He supported me and accepted me and loved be because of who I was; he stood by me even though I was questioning whether or not I still loved him and whether or not our relationship was repairable.

Although my decisions caused the very good relationships with my in-laws to quite possibly never be the same again and nine months of sleepless nights and an upset tummy; I was true to myself no matter what the cost. I stood my ground. I am who I am, take it or leave it.

No one has the right to tell you how you will get married just as no one has the right to tell you how to live your life. Furthermore no one has the right to get upset and take offence when you don't do things their way. Their issues are their issues and they have no right to make them yours. This applies to everything in life; don't allow anyone else or their issues to dictate to you.

I can't help believing that if my mother were still alive today that all this would have been different; that things would have been easier. If we take the argument of tradition then it's tradition for a woman to arrange her wedding with the help of her mother and seldom will her in-laws play any part in the serious decision making as to how the day will be.

Perhaps if she were still here then certain people would not have been so forceful and demanding of me to give in to their point of view? The process leading up to getting married is never easy and even less so when the one person you need by your side is no longer there.

However, I am convinced that my mom is looking down on me with pride. I am the woman she taught me to be; I fought for who I am and didn't allow anyone else to force me into being something or someone else. I was true to myself!