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Is it ever ok to be the other woman?

02 February, 2012 06:49:00 Suzanne Styles

Photo ©: © martinlee - Fotolia.com

No matter how innocently you may think it started, how you never intended it to go so far, how much you think you love him, or how much you think he loves you, it is never ok to be the other woman... (by someone who was the other woman for seven years).

If you find yourself in the position where you are number two, you had better pay attention: it’s decision making time

You need to take a long hard look in the mirror and remind yourself of exactly who you are, how you were brought up and basically, define if you can remember the difference between wrong and right.

How many people are afffected by your behaviour?

Three at least, more if either of you have children, and if you can feel the righteous indignation welling up inside of you right now, then you can be assured that you are truly in denial.

Are you thinking, “I’m single, it’s not me who’s doing anything wrong?”

Or “He’s unhappy, she doesn’t understand him, he’s only with her for the money.” And “I’m unhappy my husband has cheated on me, so what I’m doing isn’t really wrong.”

If you are thinking this, or something similar, then you are in pretty deep and the person most likely to be left out in the cold - hurt and lonely - is you.

I’m sure that many of your friends have told you that you are making a mistake, and it’s the truth. How, though, do you extricate yourself from the situation and salvage your dignity, pride, reputation ... and is this really the relationship for you?

Women are stronger than men emotionally, we always have been, and in the situation you are in right now, you have to be emotionally strong.

It’s ultimatum time

You have to have the strength in your conviction to say it’s her or me, not both.

Take control, stop being number two, the second choice, and don’t be on standby for illicit moments. Yes, I said illicit moments, clandestine meetings, stolen hours, and that’s what they are - stolen.

Did you ever think that you would be considered a thief, a common criminal; the moments you steal belong to someone else?

They belong to his wife, girl-friend even his children and what’s worse is those moments may too belong to your husband, boyfriend and children.

Would you ever trust a man who cheated once?

In the cold light of day can a relationship built on such levels of deceit ever last, could you completely trust him if he was yours alone, would he trust you too? Would you be equipped to make sure that the problems that had developed in his and your previous relationships didn’t raise their ugly heads in yours? Probably not.

This is as a result of your relationship paradigms

Our paradigms occur through life experiences. From birth we are exposed to the behaviours of our parents and their habits and beliefs.

As we grow up, we become exposed through our environment to what are acceptable norms in terms of how relationships are conducted - through friends, family, the media, television, radio and movies.

What are yours: a lasting, loving relationship with a faithful, kind, family man, or an affair with another woman’s man, based on lies, deceit and most definitely hurt?

If you want to know what you are thinking about in terms of your relationship, look at your results, and start thinking into results that serve you in a better way. I have spent years learning about this, and a lot of those years were spent in the school of hard knocks.

I was the other woman for seven years, a long time ago, and I know what it’s like to find out there is another women too. It is never ok to be the other woman.

About the author:

Suzanne Styles is a certified Thinking Into Results Facilitator, Master Life Coach and Entrepreneur with extensive business and life experience. She works with individuals, couples and companies in order to extract the very best results for them in that in which they are invested. Suzanne, together with her husband Chris Styles, founded Makes You Think in 2011. Suzanne and Chris host Relationship, Self Esteem and ‘Breaking Through the Terror Barrier’ workshops countrywide.

For more information please view our website www.makesyouthink.co.za

You can contact Suzanne by email suzanne@makesyouthink.co.za or on her mobile +27 (0)71 360 8656 and Chris by email chris@makesyouthink.co.za or on his mobile +27 (0) 83 625 6844