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When your partner has intimacy issues

17 November, 2011 06:10:00 Staff contributor

Photo ©: Ryan McVay

When your partner has intimacy issues, it is important to find where they come from...

You’re in a committed relationship that is based on mutual respect and admiration for each other. If asked, both of you would say that you are in love. The problem is, he has intimacy issues - where do they come from?

There are many reasons why a man may have trouble with intimacy

Society customs can be blamed for some of the issues while problems in past relationships may account for others.

There are some men, too, who have problems with intimacy due to issues that might have developed in the home when they were children.

Society tends to recognize men as the “powerful” ones and as a culture, strong men who don’t show weaknesses are usually revered. In a lot of cultures, men are conditioned not to show sensitivity and are criticized for demonstrating weaknesses.

In some cases, intimacy and sensitivity can be linked, therefore making a man reluctant to become intimate with his partner.

In these situations, it might be easy for a man to have sex, but more difficult for him to open up on an emotional level and talk about his feelings. He might be fine with the physical aspects of your relationship but have trouble with the other parts.

It’s also possible that your partner had a negative past experience in a relationship and as a result has trust issues. Perhaps he was cheated on or the relationship ended without explanation. He might be afraid to get too involved again for fear of getting hurt.

Some men grew up in homes where feelings were not demonstrative

He might not have had very demonstrative parents as role models. Sometimes, we re-create what we know and are used to. If he grew up not watching his parents talk to one another or share things together then it might be difficult for him to know how to do that.

Lastly, there are some men that just don’t know how to be intimate - in spite of maybe thinking that they are!

Some men think that are being very sensitive and demonstrative of their feelings and are surprised when their partner tells them that they are not.

Communication is always important here

Without adequately communicating with him he’s not going to know that you are troubled by his intimacy issues.

Of course, communicating with him might be easier said than done if he has trouble expressing his feelings, but for the relationship to progress it’s something that will have to be done.