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Epidemic of World Cup Fatigue puts strain on hospitals

JOHANNESBURG: South Africa’s already overburdened health system has been stretched further by the outbreak of a serious epidemic of World Cup Fatigue. Hundreds of people have been admitted to hospital after exhibiting symptoms which include compulsive yawning.

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Zuma to be known as 'Big Pimpin' Mack Daddy' in Cele-inspired title reshuffle

JOHANNESBURG. Police Commissioner Beki Cele's instruction to parliament on Tuesday to call him 'General' has henceforth prompted a flurry of other top officials demanding the right to pick their own title, including a request from the President's office that he be referred to as 'the Big Pimpin' Mack Daddy Jacob Zuma' in all contexts from now on....

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Winnie slams Gandhi, lays into Buddha and Jesus

LONDON - After her recent attacks on former husband Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu, whom she described as a betrayer of the African people and as a “cretin” respectively, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela has gone on to accuse a long list of historical pacifist figures of being “a bunch of namby-pamby girly-boys” and “limp-wristed wusses”....

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Top Billing: "Chile is so Haiti right now"

JOHANNESBURG. Top Billing is set to declare Chile "this season's Haiti" on tonight's show, with socialite Khanyi Mbau embarking on a mercy mission to Santiago to deliver moist towelettes to Chileans who have lost everything. Meanwhile Jeannie D will show viewers how to get that 'Chile chic' earthquake-devastated look in their own home....

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PAC's sudden growth confounds numeracy experts

JOHANNESBURG. The Auditor-General is set to be called in to help solve the numerical mystery of how the PAC, who could only muster 23 votes in the 2009 election, can suddenly lay claim to having an army of 3000 soldiers....

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Prince Philip to receive PC training ahead of Zuma's UK visit

LONDON. In advance of Jacob Zuma's first state visit to the UK next week, it has been revealed that Prince Philip has been sent to cultural sensitivity workshops to minimise the likelihood of him ordering Zuma to "fetch my slippers and a G&T chop-chop" upon first meeting....

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