Internet Dating 101

Unless you work in a totally male environment, you’re a construction worker or the assistant in an urologist’s office (which could bring its own unique dating pool set of challenges); your search for someone to date in this day and age will take you to the internet. 

The good news is that internet dating works

There are thousands of dating success stories that came about through meeting online. The bad news - you have to sift through an army of frogs before you hit upon a Prince Charming.  Or even a Prince Passable.

In internet dating, reading between the lines is a necessity

We all know about Estate Agent “speak” right, as in cute & cosy equals can’t swing a cat? Needs tlc? Get ready to totally renovate! Unfortunately, in online dating, reading between the lines is a necessity. 

Admittedly enough, someone’s profile almost always gives you clues

No photo?  a) Married b) Face like a smacked bottom or c) A celebrity.  I personally have never come across a c, I live in hope that Robert Pattinson is out there looking for a cute, honest, genuinely funny girl with curves and a penchant for those little Woollies jellies, but that he prefers to stay anonymous to make sure I’m not after fame or fortune. Eternal optimist?

Beware his relationship status when engaging in internet dating

Ok, there are a few guys who candidly tell you that they are married, and even though your profile states quite categorically “No married men”, that doesn’t stop them from giving it a bash.

“Married but looking!”  Now how’s that for a character recommendation.

“In an open relationship?”  And does your significant other know you’re in an open relationship?

That’s pretty much up there with “I like long walks on the beach and sharing a bottle of good red wine in front of a roaring fire.” Would give Hans Christian Andersen a run for his money.
 
Avoid (like the plague) these online lonely hearts …

Anyone whose chat or internet dating moniker even hints at the words “lonely” “looking” and “love.”  Ok girls, that should be self explanatory.  And “Living with Parents?” At the age of 33?  Those alarm bells should be ringing.

And as for physical descriptions, from eye colour to weight, guys exaggerate

They may not mean to, but I can almost guarantee you, between sitting down at the keyboard to describe themselves and actually hitting those keys, they lose years, kilograms, a child or two and even gain height.  It’s better than Photoshop.

But occasionally you find a real gem in the world of cyberspace

But when you weed out the guys whose photos are of themselves in women’s underwear, full frontal nudity (how did they get that past the censors) and the ones that post photos clearly posed by a male model, occasionally you come across a real gem.

There are some great guys online, funny, intelligent, entertaining and willing to give you their phone numbers.  I haven’t dated many of them,  but the ones I have dated, after sometimes months of chatting, have turned out to be exactly who they said they were. 

No romance as yet, but then, as I said, I’m an optimist.  I really do believe that somewhere out there is a cute, honest, genuinely funny guy with all his own teeth and a penchant for those little Woollies jellies. Just got to keep weeding!

Author info: Julie Hall

Julie is an exuberant, 40-something, self confessed hedonist who tries to live life to the full. Divorced and back on the singles circuit after a long absence (she has been on so many blind dates she now qualifies for her own guide dog), she enjoys amateur photography, reading trashy novels and the conviction that the light at the end of the tunnel is not always an oncoming train. Julie believes she is blessed with limitless optimism, amazing friends and a firm belief that on the keyboard of life, one should always keep one finger on the Escape key.