Living together when he doesn’t want to get married

There are basically two kinds of live-in couples. Couples that live together as a logical step before they take the plunge into marriage; or couples that seem to live together as a substitute for, or alternative to, marriage.

Either choice is valid, and perfectly all right, as long as both partners are on the same page about it.

It is when partners want different things, or have different goals, with regard to marriage, that problems arise

If you do wish to get married, eventually, if not immediately, you need to really take a look at where your relationship is at, and where your man stands on the issue.

Many couples move in together, live together for years, and never quite reach the stage of marriage. Reasons for moving in together can range from economic and physical convenience to a desire for greater emotional closeness.

Living with someone 24/7 is a whole different ball game from meeting them a few hours a day

For most women, moving in is a step toward marriage; a sort of trial period to see how well the two partners function in a shared household with shared responsibilities, finances, and so on.

If you think that marriage is the next logical step in your relationship, sound out your man to make sure he feels the same way

While a lot of men would feel the same way that you do, some might want to move in without any thought of marriage.

There might be a lot of hidden issues at play. Fear of commitment, feelings of being tied down or confined, might all play a part. On the other hand, he may simply not comprehend the need for marriage, and consider your current relationship as the best possible outcome. 

Increasingly high numbers of couples are choosing to live together, and the trend is likely to continue

However, it is not a decision to be taken lightly. You can’t just live with someone without thinking about what the step means for you and your relationship.

If both of you believe that living together is all you want, that the question of marriage is something for the vague future, its fine for both. If however, you have marriage as the ultimate goal of your relationship, the best way of working towards it would be to let your partner know where you stand.

Unless he knows clearly what you want or expect from the relationship, things may just keep drifting on in the way that they are now. When you live with someone, your or your partner’s level of commitment to the relationship may not be at full potential.

Consider the wisdom of continuing living together without marriage if there are kids involved

Statistically, parents who live together but are not married to each other are much more likely to break up, putting the children through devastating trauma and causing long term emotional and mental trauma.

The important thing is to have an open and honest communication with your partner

If you are marriage oriented, let him know how important it is to you. Honesty is the best way to move him from the position of comfort that living together has brought. Talk to him, set up a schedule, listen to what he says, and be as clear and honest about your feelings as you can.