What do I do with my clitoris?

Why is it that so many women go through life without knowing that unless their clitoris is stimulated during lovemaking – for at least 20 minutes on average – they are unlikely to orgasm?

The clit is your key to a great orgasm

Stimulation of the clitoris and surrounding tissue has got to be the singularly most important activity for bringing a woman to orgasm. The key is to stimulate your clitoris with a finger or vibrator – or your partner’s tongue.

Without this, a woman is unlikely to orgasm. Some sex positions are more likely to rub the clitoris as well but direct, deliberate stimulation is always the most divine.

How to find the clitoris

The clitoris nestles in the folds of skin where the outer lips of the vulva meet above the vaginal opening. If the hood of the clitoris is pulled back, it reveals underneath the clitoral glans, a nub of tissue about the size of a large pea which looks similar to a tiny penis. When the clitoral glans is stimulated it becomes aroused and pokes out of the hood.

Most of the clitoris, however, is hidden beneath the surface – under the skin above the glans is a 2 to 4cm-long clitoral shaft, which feels hard like a short piece of cartilage. This splits into two legs running on either side of the vaginal opening, under the labia, for about three inches. The entire clitoris – the glans, the clitoral shaft and the legs – fills with blood during arousal and becomes firmer.

How to stimulate the clitoris

•    The longer the build up to reaching the clitoris, the better. Don’t head straight for it.
•    Make sure your fingers are clean and your fingernails short, clean and smooth.
•    Try gently touching and massaging the vulva (the external genitals – the inner and outer lips or labia), the clitoral head, the vaginal opening, the urinary opening and the mons or fatty pad covering the pubic bone.
•    Indirect stimulation of the clit is often better, at least to start out with, as the clit is highly sensitive (it has 6000 to 8000 nerve fibres, about twice that of the penis).
•    Rather than heading straight for the tip of the clit, tease the edges of the clitoral glans using circular movements and build up slowly.
•    If your partner is giving you oral, they should use their palms and fingers to stimulate you simultaneously.
•    Some women don’t like direct stimulation of the clit and prefer the hood to be pulled down over it first. Some also have a favourite side that they prefer being stimulated. Experiment to see what feels enjoyable.
•    Stimulation of the clit should be light and well lubricated (with your natural lubrication or a good water-based, glycerin-free lube) to prevent that uncomfortable burn you get from dry rubbing. Use a steady, rhythmic motion.
•    Try circling the clit with a finger, or rolling it gently between two fingers, or tapping it gently with two fingers. Alternatively, rub a few fingers over it by moving rapidly from side to side or up and down, or moving in a circular motion over the clit.
•    Stimulation with fingers is a great way to orgasm but some women find other objects more pleasurable. Hairbrushes are a common favourite, as are vibrators as the sensation of vibration tends to induce an orgasm quickly.

Women differ vastly in their preference for pace and pressure, so experiment by changing these. Generally, the more aroused we are, the more stimulation the clitoris can take. If you opt for penetrative intercourse during clit play, keep stimulating the clitoris using fingers or a vibrator.

Take it eeeeeasy!

While masturbation for women is to a large extent about the clitoris, the last thing your partner should do is dive straight for your clit to induce an orgasm. The longer the journey of foreplay to the clitoris, the better the sensation for us women as the build-up leads to greater arousal.

Many women find the clitoris too sensitive for direct stimulation without any prior foreplay, and the more aroused you are when your partner starts stimulating the glans, the better.

If you enjoyed this article, please email it to your friends. For more on how to enhance your sex life and to sign up for OhZone’s sex tips newsletter, see www.ohzone.co.za. For more on clitoral play, see OhZone's Definitive Guide to the Clitoris.

About the author:
Lindsay Barnes writes for OhZone, a sex information website aimed at women, offering sex enhancing products and in-depth articles and hints on how to have a great sex life. Sign up for OhZone’s sex tips newsletter at www.ohzone.co.za.